Normalize It Forward - Marc Lehman | Brittany Snitzer | Self-Love

 

It is easy to get addicted to comparing yourself to others, and this mindset makes you feel insecure and incomplete. Instead of spending so much time looking at other people, why not focus more on self-love instead? Marc Lehman chats with Brittany Snitzer, a talented and innovative professional in the makeup industry, who explains how to let your authentic self shine at all times. She discusses the importance of surrounding yourself with people who fill your cup and let go of those draining it up. Brittany also explains how to escape the toxicity of social media platforms and turn them into spaces of positivity and belongingness.

Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

Focusing More On Self-Love With Brittany Snitzer

We are here to talk about mental health and wellness. I’m super excited to welcome Brittany Snitzer. Welcome, Brittany, to the show. Brittany is a talented and innovative professional in the makeup industry, known for her expertise in creating flawless trend-setting looks, with a passion for enhancing natural beauty and a meticulous eye for detail.

Brittany has built a reputation as a go-to artist for a wide range of clients, from individuals to high-profile events and photoshoots. Her ability to adapt to diverse styles and stay ahead of industry trends sets her apart, making her a sought-after name in the beauty world. Brittany, thank you so much for making the time to join us. Welcome.

Thank you for having me, Marc. I’m so excited to be here and discuss all topics related to mental health.

Brittany And Gal On The Go

Let me first ask. I love the name Gal on the Go. Can we jump into that and tell us what that is?

Thanks. I started my business in 2015. I was injured and not in the best mental place when I started my business. I was divorcing and working in a salon because I’m also a hairdresser. I couldn’t work because I had a back injury. Starting my business at such a low point, I needed to find something to do where my back and mental health would still be thriving. During my divorce, my clients started looking for me on social media, the beauty of social media.

 

Normalize It Forward - Marc Lehman | Brittany Snitzer | Self-Love

 

One day, a client said, “I have something. Would you mind coming over to do my hair?” I was like, “Let me go try.” I was on six months of bed rest with a herniated disc and 4, 5, and 6. I was also medicated and not in a good place. Thankfully, my clients kept calling me. One tells one. An entire business was built on word of mouth. My mental health started to improve. My back started to feel better. I was looking for a name that was catchy and cute. I didn’t want to be just “girl on the go.” I needed a little more pizzazz. I thought, “Let me be Gal on the Go.” Years later, I’m still Gal on the Go.

What a cool story. First of all, how’s your back now?

It’s good. Thank you. I always try to be mindful of my injuries and everything that comes with that. I do a lot of yoga and Pilates to stay on my game.

Less Self-Comparison And More Self-Love

As you might guess, I don’t know a ton about the beauty industry, but I treat a lot of individuals with eating disorders. I wanted to chat with you about that. Many of our audiences are young adults, and some are young. They’re on social media and exposed to so much. I wanted to bring the topic up and ask your thoughts on that associated with wellness.

I shared before that I struggled with an eating disorder at 12 or 13 years old. I was diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia. I was hospitalized that same year at the Children’s Hospital in Montreal. I stand proudly in saying that I’m in recovery and will continue to stay in recovery, but it’s lifelong. Every day is a struggle. Dealing with anorexia, bulimia, or any eating disorder plays a big part in your mind. As we say in therapy, your mind often micro-focuses on things that might not even exist.

Anorexia and bulimia have touched my life a lot because they dictated why I’m in the beauty industry. It’s ironic because I chose a field that makes others feel good. I take a lot of pride in that. My clients and the people I speak to know that. Life as a woman is difficult. Add a bit of anxiety. You want to be this person in your head, but it doesn’t always work like that. It becomes very challenging.

Even as a young girl, I was always an achiever. I wanted to succeed the best, be the best, and have the best. That played a lot in my head. Eating disorders and the beauty industry have a lot in common because when you go online and look at social media, that’s what young girls see, the very thin, the very tall, or the more voluptuous. There are so many things in your face on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok about women’s beauty, and young girls gravitate toward that.

Even my young clients, I try to talk to them and say, “No matter what size you are, what color you are, or how you feel that day, you have to stay focused on what you have in front of you and not what you want to go out and do to yourself or play in your mind what you’re not good at or good for or not enough.” The talk about “not enough” is a lot, I find.

That part is a mindset, wanting what you don’t have. When you do have it, you want something else.

You’re still not happy. That’s a lot I find for women. Even women my age, who are at a pinnacle point and who are successful and beautiful, can’t seem to see that. They’ve done work and this, that, and the other. They’re still not happy with themselves. As a therapist and being in recovery, we talk a lot about loving ourselves but really loving yourself. What does that look like?

I’m glad you brought that up because so many of our audience. I think you’re speaking to our young and many of them. Let’s talk about that. What does it mean to love yourself? What does that look like to you?

Just because you are rich and famous does not necessarily mean you are okay inside. Share on X

The first thing is to accept who you are. The acceptance of, “Maybe I’m never going to be good enough for this person, that person, this parent, or grandparent, or that cousin,” or whatever the case is. “I’m good for bread. I’m doing good just for bread.” What does that mean for bread? It means, if I wake up and I’m having a bad day, how can I get out of my head to feel better? What do I need to do?

May that be meditating, working out, eating a healthy meal, talking to my therapist or my friends, taking a walk, being with my dog, and all those things. It’s self-acceptance and knowing, “I didn’t do X, Y, and Z today, but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I didn’t post enough today. I got into a fight with my boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love myself.”

I think asking that basic question. When you talk about acceptance, it’s so simple but so overlooked. I ask it all the time in therapy, “Are you happy?”

What does happiness mean?

It’s a good question.

I go back and forth, like, “What is it going to do to make me happy? Is it going to be buying a bag or helping somebody when they’re feeling like crap? What does that equate to?” A lot of people in my industry struggle with, “We could have everything in the world like collaboration deals, nice makeup, pretty face, and nice outings, but does that mean you’re happy?”

I would argue that it is not. A lot of individuals who seemingly have all of the material things oftentimes aren’t happy.

Most of the time, I meet and talk to my clients and people I come in contact with in the media. Just because you’re rich and famous and this and that and have Botox and filler doesn’t necessarily mean you’re okay inside. That was a bigger conversation.

Getting In Touch With Your Inner Child

It brings up the next thought of, “How do you get okay inside?” You and I have lived many more years than teenage kids. They’re figuring out how to be a young adult. We’ve tripped and fallen. We’ve done things that have allowed us to figure that part out. Let me ask you a question. When you think about what are some of the things you’ve done over the years that have made you, Brittany, a happier person?

It’s getting in touch with my inner child, and what about that? I wasn’t happy with it or didn’t fulfill or suffice my needs of not being good enough. I grew up with privilege. My parents were very accommodating. I went to private school, lived in a nice home, and all this and that. Sometimes, it goes beyond all those things. You remove the material things and then ask yourself what was lacking, “What didn’t I have,” besides materialistic. For me, it was a lot of going deep. I’ve been in a recovery program a few times already. I’ve had to work out why I choose certain people in my life or why I want to be like this person when I don’t want to be like this person. Why am I getting heavily influenced by people who don’t live in my shoes?

Great point. Great question. It happens all the time. If you think about how these devices train us, we’re constantly barraged with all of these images. It feels to me like when I look at Instagram or Facebook, the images women are bombarded with are an example of what you’re talking about, which is that they’re seeking something that they’ll never get to. They can never truly feel good about who they are because they’re always running towards something.

If you are putting out a positive image on social media, you will get back a positive image. Share on X

What are you running towards? What is the goal?

When I think about happiness, certain things bring me happiness. I’m sure certain things bring you happiness. One of those things is feeling mentally well.

Waking up and not feeling anxiety in the pit of my stomach, breathing in the good air, hugging my cute little dog, and knowing that I’m loved are things that I’m able to say, “I love myself,” and loving people around me openly without conditions.

A lot goes into that. I want to break that down a bit because it’s important for young people to understand this. You don’t get to be mentally positive or well-placed without a lot of work. The work sometimes is therapy, or joining a yoga class or a meditation class. The bottom line is making some time for yourself to take care of yourself. I find so many people don’t.

It’s easy to distract yourself by the noise, may it be substance, nightlife, or people who don’t want the best for you. If you surround yourself with things that can cloud your image of mental clarity, then you’re always going to stay stuck. You have to ask yourself, “What do I need to feel mentally clear?” For me, that’s staying away from substances and not going to bed past midnight. For me, that means eating healthy, taking nature walks, or talking to my friends who are there for me. Also, my clients and giving back to the community.

Surrounding Yourself With The Right People

You touched on a few things, but I want to pick up on one in particular. You mentioned having healthy people around you. It’s huge. I find that young people, a lot of times, will convince themselves that the people around them are healthy, love them, and care about them.

We have our rose-colored goggles on a lot. I’ve done it many times. You romanticize and fantasize about the people that you’re dating or the people that are around you. “Okay, whatever. This comment this.” No. We have to set in check and boundaries about the people who want the best for us. That may not be a ton of people. It might be just one. You eliminate a lot of the negative distractions and hyper-focus on what’s going to keep the peace in your brain. That’s when it clicks. That’s when it clicked for me, to be honest. Who’s feeding my soul and draining my soul?

We all have things that pop up in life. I work with so many college kids. Unfortunately, sometimes things pop up, like a death in the family or someone they love. They take a little bit of time away from school. I’m always curious when they get back who visits them first. It’s usually their true friends, the ones that care about them. “Brittany’s gone for 2, 3, 4 days or 1 week.” Someone’s texting you. Someone cares that you’re not there. As opposed to the other kids that you think are your friends and didn’t even notice you were gone.

You couldn’t have said it better. I have traveled around the world for work. In 2024, I’ve done a lot of traveling. It’s interesting to see who’s checking up on me or who is in my corner to know, “Did you arrive? Are you okay? Did you eat today?” It’s things like this. You’re saying something that resonates well with me because that’s a good indicator of who wants the very best for you. Sometimes, as hard as it is, you have to set your boundaries and remove yourself in silence. It doesn’t always have to be loud and proud. You can back away from people that you feel are in the pit of your stomach and don’t have the right intention.

That’s a good way of saying it. Don’t have the right intention. I like that.

 

Normalize It Forward - Marc Lehman | Brittany Snitzer | Self-Love

 

Some people want to be around for the wrong reasons. That leaves you with a bit of a black cloud. You’ll know and feel when you’re not in the right space.

Putting Out A Positive Image On Social Media

Brittany, let’s talk a little bit about social media because it is such a fascinating topic. I’ve been to so many conferences where they talk about it as evil and blame all of the mental health in the community on social media.

I think it’s a blessing.

There’s an up and a downside. I want to talk to you about both. In your industry, I would imagine it plays a role.

To be honest with you, I’ve been very successful with social media. This is how I produce content. People can see my work. I can connect with other artists. I’ve gotten a lot of collaboration deals out of social media. I feel that if you portray the right image, you don’t have to share your whole life. You share what you want to share, you’ll be judged for that, and so on, but at the end of the day, you control what’s here.

It’s a control mechanism like anything else. If you’re putting up a positive image, you’re going to get back a positive image. I’ve had many negative comments. That is normal, but the majority of this has been positive. I guess it depends on how you’re using your media. Are you using it in a positive business form, or are you dilly-dallying and creating things in your head?

I’ve spoken to many women. They have had to close their Instagram to deal with anxiety. They can’t watch a makeup video, a girl in a bathing suit, or something about Kim Kardashian. In my experience, it’s been positive. You also have to understand how to market and that Instagram is a business. As a business owner, you have to think of it as a business. It’s not that serious.

I like what you said, too, about boundaries. Not sharing your entire world is important. You and I both use it very similarly in terms of our business. It’s a great way to reach lots of individuals you wouldn’t be able to reach otherwise. For young people, it can be anxiety provoking. I watch young kids regularly go through this, especially with colleges.

Kids are being bullied a lot online or body shaming.

I want to highlight something you said, and it’s important to repeat. We have control over that. If a young person is viewing social media a lot, which many do, you don’t have to. You can turn your phone off, put some limits on it, set some boundaries, and take a break from it, which is mentally healthy to do. There are lots of benefits for it. It reminds me of a swimming pool. It can be a lot of fun, but we have to respect that it can also be hazardous. Be mindful of it.

You choose who to follow online and which content to see. It is in your discretion to put everything in moderation. Share on X

It’s also easy to get caught up. You’re scrolling. You’re on your page. It’s almost like a rabbit hole. I try as much as I can to do my content, post it out there, and look at a few things, but you can also choose who you follow. You don’t have to be public like me or you. You can choose your content. You can also put barriers. Everything is in moderation. It’s at your discretion.

Staying True And Offering A Lending Hand

Brittany, let me ask you this. It’s a big question. It sounds like many of us went through ups and downs as young people. If you had an opportunity to speak to your thirteen-year-old yourself, what advice would you give?

I would say to myself, “It’s not my fault. You’re doing the best you can for you. Keep shining and continue to thrive.”

One of the hardest parts of my job is that the depression and anxiety rates are through the roof. The suicide rates are as well. Every once in a while, and unfortunately, it’s becoming more frequent, I will hear a story. It’s a story of someone who took their life. I always think the same thing. It’s a horrible tragedy, but their life is just beginning. There’s so much more that’s going to happen for them. I love what you said. For young people reading, please hear those words. You’re not alone. There are plenty of people out there who are willing to listen, help, and assist. Guess what? If you hold your breath, things are going to shift and change every ten minutes. Twelve years old, 13 years old, 15 years old, and 18 years old, it’s all different age brackets.

A few years ago, I got this tattoo on my wrist. It’s the semicolon. A few years ago, I was not in a good place. My mental health was poor. I admitted myself to the hospital. I was very close to not making it. It’s important for everyone to realize that you don’t need to be young or old, but you also have to realize that if you’re having a mental health crisis, there are places and people who you can go to. They don’t have to be your family because most of the time, your family doesn’t know what to do and can’t help themselves either. I want to say that you’re never alone in the world.

I appreciate you sharing that. I always tell young people that when you find yourself in a lonely position, you have to find somebody and reach out.

That means checking yourself in.

Somewhere, anywhere. It’s being by yourself. That’s the most destructive place to be when you’re feeling that way. I’m happy you did that.

They say that life is a journey. Our journeys are continuing. Young people’s journeys are just beginning in many ways. I always feel honored when someone allows me into their world for a moment to hear about their journey. I know that if I run into that person 2, 3, or 4 years later, there will be twists and turns. That’s part of life. Now is a tough time for young people and adults. It puts a lot of pressure on us to take care of ourselves better. We have to get through this because we want to get to the good stuff.

Life is hard. It is not easy for everybody. I see and talk to many people a day because of my profession. You’re a therapist, and I’m a therapist too, in my own right, without the degree. Someone’s sitting in your chair. They’re trusting you to make them feel good, and they get to talking to you. I have clients who are high profile and no profile. They say the same things to me.

It is easy to talk about your inner battles. But at a certain point, you will have enough and must take a break. Share on X

That’s so important because I feel like when I talk to kids and they talk about the Kim Kardashians of the world or other famous people, there’s this illusion that they’re not human beings.

They’re human. We’re all human.

Their lives are so vastly different. Sure, maybe there’s more money.

Their lives are harder than we think.

I always say to people that it’s always the same whenever I’ve worked with a celebrity or famous individual. Everybody is a human being. We’re all susceptible.

They have an even harder time. I work in the media as well. They have to have thick skin because they’re being spoken about and ripped apart. Their relationships and lives are online. If they’re fat, skinny, green, or purple, it’s out there. They put themselves out there, so their mental health rates. If we look at some of the celebrities that have passed away, how much struggle have they been through? Nobody wanted to help them, right? They couldn’t get the help they needed. They have all the resources in the world.

It’s important. We do hear about that in the public eye. All the more reason. One of the biggest reasons I created this show is to talk about mental health and normalize the conversation. Let’s have a conversation and ask the right questions. Let’s be there for others if we can. Let’s be kind. Let’s realize that sometimes, when people appear like they’re not struggling, they are.

It’s funny you say that because I’m always pretty authentic. I explain who I am. Clients, my friends, and people online know that I have struggles. I work with I Love Tyler Madison brands. I try to do as much outreach as I can. You don’t know what’s happening in someone’s home and head. You could look perfect, filtered, hair done and makeup on, but you don’t know what’s happening. You don’t know what is going on in someone’s brain. It’s the appearance.

The mask they’re wearing.

We all wear one.

Keep that in mind and realize that it’s a choice. We can be kind to other people. We can recognize that maybe people are going through it more than we know. We can always lend a hand and an ear and listen to people if we need to. You used the word authentic. You’re super authentic. I appreciate your ability to put yourself out there and talk about hard things. I do think it’ll resonate with my audience. Guess what? They’re dealing with stuff, too. I feel like when we give that message that we’re all dealing with stuff, it doesn’t push people off into that stigma corner. It’s like, “It’s okay to be dealing with stuff. You got to be dealing with it and working on it.”

 

Normalize It Forward - Marc Lehman | Brittany Snitzer | Self-Love

 

You have to do the work. That’s the hardest part. It’s easy to talk about it and keep talking about it, but at a certain point, you have to be like, “Enough is enough. I want to feel good and strong now. I want to feel mentally okay. What does that mean? What do I need to do to wake up in the morning and not feel like I’m going to crawl into a ball and cry?”

That’s where therapy comes in. You get a good therapist. They’re going to direct and tell you. They’re going to warn you. They’re going to tell you, “This is going to be a little bit of work.”

A lot of work. You have to dig deep. It goes back a long time for many, including myself.

Brittany’s Nominee For Next Guest

I appreciate your time. Part of the show is that I want the conversation to continue. I often ask my guests to nominate a friend, a coworker, or a relative. If you have one, I’ll put you on the spot, but I’m curious. Any thoughts in terms of somebody you know who might be a good person for me to interview?

Yes, I do. She’s a good friend of mine. She’s a client. She’s also a content creator and actress. Her name is Esther Brzezinski. She would be good for your show as well. She’ll give a different perspective to your audience.

I appreciate it. I’ll get her info from you offline, reach out, and get Esther on the show sometime soon. Thank you so much. I know you’re super busy. I appreciate you being here. Have a wonderful day. We’ll talk at some point. Take care.

Thank you for having me.

You’re very welcome. Take care.

 

Important Links

 

About Brittany Snitzer

Normalize It Forward - Marc Lehman | Brittany Snitzer | Self-LoveBrittany Snitzer is a talented and innovative professional in the makeup industry, known for her expertise in creating flawless, trend-setting looks. With a passion for enhancing natural beauty and a meticulous eye for detail, Britney has built a reputation as a go-to artist for a wide range of clients, from individuals to high-profile events and photoshoots. Her ability to adapt to diverse styles and stay ahead of industry trends sets her apart, making her a sought-after name in the beauty world.

Normalize It Forward | Penny Jarrett | Young Adults

 

Depression and anxiety are among the biggest mental health challenges being faced by most young adults right now. Wellness coach and therapeutic art practitioner Penny Jarrett is here to discuss how they can look after themselves better through self-care. Joining Marc Lehman, she discusses how social media and the internet greatly contribute to young people’s toxic self-comparison and limiting beliefs. Penny also underlines how positive affirmations and addressing unresolved dreams and trauma can unleash your greatest potential.

Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

Young Adults And Mental Health Care With Penny Jarrett

Welcome to the show. This is a show that talks openly about mental health and wellness. We are here to welcome Penny Jarrett. Penny is a mental health and wellness coach, a writer, a speaker, and a therapeutic art practitioner. She’s passionate about helping people overcome their challenges so that they can begin to live fulfilled lives, joy, and free of pain and confusion in the negative effects of trauma.

 

Normalize It Forward | Penny Jarrett | Young Adults

 

Penny, welcome. It is very nice to have you here.

Thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Thank you. I don’t know if that intro did you justice, if there’s anything you’d like to add, or if that covered it well.

It was lovely. I was feeling good listening to you describe me. I was like, “Thank you.”

It certainly seems like you’ve done a lot of different things.

I was about to say that.

Self-Care

You sound busy, which is great. Busy is good. Certainly, everybody that comes to the show comes with a different perspective and a fresh view of things. Our main thrust is to try to talk more openly about health and wellness and try to get a good sense out as much as we can to role model for our young adults out there how important it is to talk openly. When it comes to mental health and wellness, there are a number of offshoot topics that, if it’s okay, I’d love to ask your perspective on, beginning with the topic of self-care. I’m wondering. When you hear the phrase self-care, what does self-care mean to you?

Self-care, to me, is an extension of true self-love. When everyone talks about self-love and self-care, there can be loud opinions when people express things and we cling to it. We don’t dig deeper and personalize it for ourselves all the time. Even the topics being talked about loudly are great. If we think about the fact that love is a verb and it’s something we do and it’s not just something we feel, it’s a beautiful feeling when you feel all that love.

To love ourselves is not always going to be a feeling. It’s not always going to be, “I’m finally accepting myself for my flaws. I love myself. I feel all of this warmth, compassion, and fondness for myself.” Having those feelings towards ourselves is amazing. It improves our self-esteem. It helps us take opportunities and believe in ourselves, but it’s not always the case.

There’s a huge amount of people who don’t naturally feel those ways about themselves. We might feel sometimes that the reasons behind that can be vanity so we feel ashamed to talk about it. It could be something that has happened in our past, a mistake we’ve made, or the way that we view our family. This is coming from my own personal experience, and everything I’m saying here as well.

When you don’t have those natural feelings of fondness for yourself, the least you can do is love yourself because you are yourself. People often go to confidence classes. They want to love themselves. They want to feel a certain way. The way you do it is by loving yourself because it doesn’t always come naturally. I feel like self-care is a way to love yourself, and there are ways to do that.

I speak a lot at different events and stuff. We say, “Self-care is not just face masks, but a big portion of it is.” I, at one point, was completely like, “With self-care, forget the face mask.” As my self-care and my own wellness journey have come I wouldn’t say 360 because it’s not back where it was but has gone a 180 and then loads of sparkles and glitter, I’ve had to come back to the face mask, chilling, looking after my physical body, and resting.

Before, self-care, to me, when I was at the beginning of my journey was setting boundaries, saying no, quitting people-pleasing, and doing all of these things that were showing me that I was always trying to fill everyone else’s cup up and not my own. As time has gone past and those things come second nature to me, and I’ve changed, I’ve had to come back to make sure I’m loving myself with long walks, time alone, time connecting with people if that’s the season I’m in, and spending twenty minutes to do something for my skin and put that first. When you struggle, those are the things that are neglected. In a nutshell, and I am the least nutshell-y person because I’m always going off on tangents, self-care is the act. It’s an extension of self-love.

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I talk to a lot of young adults. When it comes to things they can control versus things they can’t control, there are so many things they engage with in life that they can’t control. Self-care is one of those things that you can choose to do. You can choose to get enough sleep. You can choose to take those walks. You can choose to be good to your physical self. Setting boundaries is a topic by itself. We could talk about it for hours. It is protecting oneself, making sure that you’re not around toxic people, and you are saying no to people, which is okay to do. I love that. It’s such a big topic.

I try to promote the concept with young people of, “You have these choices. They’re not chosen for you. These are choices you have that you can do.” I’ve done the same throughout my own journey. We’ve learned a lot, and we’ll continue to learn. For young adults, in many ways, they’re almost beginning that journey and trying to figure that part out. Self-care, what a rich topic. I love your tangents. They’re great.

Thank you.

Mental Health

Mental health is such a weird topic. I feel like some people talk about it very openly and some people avoid the topic. Mental health, to me, is something we all have. Wellness is one of those things that fits in and, in some ways, is a solution or something that helps us that we can choose to have. Even seeing a therapist is a choice for many people. I don’t know how much of this you’re aware of, but with the population of young adults that I see in college, the anxiety levels and depression levels are through the roof. I wonder. In your viewpoint, what seems to be causing that?

Everybody who existed in the time when the internet didn’t, you don’t have to be a genius to point it out. If we think about anxiety and depression as an example and get really basic with it, I know it’s not basic or surface-level. I’ve experienced both at varying degrees, at times when I knew what they were and at times when I didn’t. That’s why these conversations are so important because going through something like anxiety and severe depression, not knowing what it is, is wild. These conversations are so important because you get to hear what people describe your experience. You can begin to come out of it.

If you think about anxiety, it is fear, and it’s not always warranted. It’s not always come from something. We often have difficult things we’ve been through or difficult experiences we’ve witnessed or endured, aka a pandemic, trauma in the household, stress, or different things we’ve gone through. We can then become protective and fearful about that happening again when it’s gone. For some people, they don’t. Some people are like, “That’s over. Let’s live.” Some of us become very hypervigilant and protective. We can’t move past that. We don’t always dig deep. That’s why therapy is amazing because your therapist asks you questions that help you to realize, “This fear that I’m holding, I am afraid of losing someone again. I am afraid of losing myself. I am afraid of dying.”

When you get down to it with anxiety, there’s a fear. It’s like, “I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of not living up to my own expectations or expectations of my parents,” but it’s never that loud. It’s always at the back but it steers the behavior and causes a constant knot. The truth is wellness is a solution but it’s also a destination. It’s a state. It’s a state of wellness, a state of well-being, and a state of joy, which we all have innately but don’t always access.

I go back to talking about the internet. When we’re over flooded with and over inundated with other people’s lives, other people’s successes, or other people’s smiles when we’re not happy, all of these things we compare naturally. We’re not sitting there saying, “Her life is better than mine. His girlfriend’s prettier than mine. His grades seem to be higher than mine.” You’re not doing it loud. It happens because we’re taking in all of this information so naturally. What that can cause is a constant fear that you will never live up to all of these things that you’re seeing. That’s one of the things.

Don’t get me wrong. I suffered from anxiety for years and it came from living in a traumatic environment, living in a dysfunctional home, and experiencing a lot of violence. I knew it was over. I knew nothing would make that lifestyle come back to me but I could not live freely. I had to really speak life over myself. I had to tell myself, “I am free,” regularly. I knew I was free, but my mind didn’t and my nervous system didn’t. I was as tight as a clenched fist for about six years. There are different sides.

If you think of what depression is and you break the word down, it is depressed. You pressed it down. What makes you feel heavy? What makes you feel like you are pressed down? What are these things? A lot of the time, when we dig deep and we get to some of the emotions attached, there’s a lot of bitterness, unforgiveness, and anger. There’s also a lot of grief and resentment for things that didn’t happen, things that we haven’t done yet, or talents that we’ve got inside of us that we’re not bringing out.

There is a lot of grief and resentment for things that did not happen or the talents we are not bringing out. Share on X

I coach people. A funny story is I wanted to be a counselor but I found out that I wouldn’t be able to hug anyone. I thought, “I can’t have someone crying in my office and I can’t hug them.” I was like, “I’m going to be a life coach,” at the time. It was like, “You can’t hug and you can’t tell anyone your personal life? Forget it. I’ll be a coach.”

I’ve hugged plenty of clients.

I know. Whenever I tell my friends this story because I’ve got friends that work in the therapy field, they are like, “You can so hug.” I’m like, “You should have told me that in uni.” I work with a lot of people who have ADHD. Common symptoms are depression and anxiety. They go hand in hand a lot. Whenever I dug a little bit deeper in the first few sessions, I’m not kidding you that over the past couple of years, maybe 70% of the people that I’ve worked with that are being treated for depression or have obvious depression have something inside of them that they are not bringing out. It’s usually a hobby that could have turned into a career, a talent, or a skill that they didn’t think would make them money so they pushed it aside, or a dream.

It’s not all the time, don’t get me wrong. I know there are chemical imbalances. I know life happened. I know this stuff. A lot of them are ashamed to even admit that they’ve got this dream. Why? It’s because of the fear of not ever doing it or not ever realizing it. If I was to answer your question after that massive answer in a nutshell, crippling fear from unrealistic expectations and comparison contributes towards a lot of anxiety that isn’t like an anxiety disorder, which can come from trauma. I know sometimes things come out of nowhere and then are related, but this is in my mind and my experience. A lot of depression comes from unforgiveness. That includes not forgiving yourself for your mistakes and also dreams, talents, and gifts that haven’t been explored, played with, practiced, or used.

Normalize It Forward | Penny Jarrett | Young Adults
Young Adults: A lot of depression comes from unforgiveness, and that includes not forgiving yourself for your mistakes.

 

I’m thinking a lot about that answer because I see that a ton in my office.

I’m not saying these things cause all of it, but a lot of the intensity and severity of the amount of anxiety and depression people are experiencing would be less intense if those things were paid attention to.

I hear that.

They contribute massively.

Young Adults

To take it a step further, I find myself advocating for young adults to get assistance when they need it. What’s fascinating about the age bracket of 18 to 22, which are the college-aged kids, is it’s the lowest age bracket out there in the US for people getting assistance. When you look at statistics, in many cases certainly with anxiety and depression, they’re the highest individuals that have anxiety.

You’ve got this huge disparity. A lot of things can cause that to happen. When I’m working with a young person and they’re heading off to college, talk about ambiguity. They don’t know what’s coming. You really got me thinking about that unresolved idea of, “I have a thought, a talent, or something inside that I’ve been too afraid to go after.”

It could even be an identity.

They’re like, “I’ll move it to the side and not tell anybody.” What a concept. It’s tough being a young adult.

If I am honest, a lot of the people that I’ve had those conversations with are usually a little bit older because time is getting on and that causes more pressure. Even though we know that you are as young as you feel, you can start fresh anytime you want, life begins at 40, and all of those things, there is still that tick-tock that goes on in the back of the mind that time is getting on, they’ve missed the boat, and stuff like that. It does apply. It’s the feeling that you are not living out who you really are. It’s not behind all depression.

As much as I love the internet, with people seeing how quickly someone gets famous, how quickly someone gets this change in life, and with lots of young people being completely addicted to these apps, it’s also like, “That would never happen for me,” or, “That isn’t happening for me.” It’s stuff like that as well. Feeling that sense of purpose and getting an understanding of why you are here or what you want to do while you are here is part of it.

I’m with you on that. A lot of times in therapy, I find myself drawing some of those inner thoughts out from my patients around, “What is it that you want to do in life?” I always feel blessed that I found counseling because I really like helping people and I like coming to work. I work a lot but I enjoy what I do. I want that for all of my patients whatever field they choose to be in. I see so many people who are unhappy with their career choices. To your point, for young people to be thinking about if those things that they’ve pushed to the side are causing symptoms, whether it be anxiety, depression, or both, that they could be considering as an option to take a look at and go after.

Social Media

The internet is an interesting one, Social media in particular. It has certainly had its bad publicity and good publicity. I certainly use it plenty for advertising my services and so forth. For a lot of people, that has become a way to connect with services and try to figure out who’s got what out there. There is so much comparison that goes on, especially for young people. The comparison is never like, “I feel great about myself because I’ve looked at social media.” It’s always negative. It’s always like, “Now I don’t feel as good.” You said the individuals that you work with are a little bit older. I don’t feel like there is an age where that stops.

I don’t.

At 14, 18, or 25, there’s this comparison piece that doesn’t make people feel good about themselves. It makes them feel less. It makes them chase, want more, or feel really bad about themselves. There’s a piece to social media that, to me, is so unhealthy and not helpful for people.

That’s so true. It also breeds this automatic expectation that you are supposed to do things in order to receive validation or an opinion. If you’ve got a social media account and you depend on likes and comments for engagement and that’s all it’s about, then how do you separate that into real life? How do you then say to yourself, “I want to be a singer. No one in my family was a singer. Everyone was a doctor. It’s an easy route for me. I’m already in school, but I want to be a singer. The truth is, my family already thinks this.” It’s not like, “Let me try and maybe I’ll fail.” People aren’t even fully afraid of failing. They’re afraid of people saying bad things about them and not liking them.

Back in the day or not too far back in the day, you’d have to send a demo to an agent or a record label. You keep doing that and see if you’re good enough. Now, before you even get to that point or before you even gather the bravery or the contact to reach out to someone who could help you with your career, you’ve got the whole of the public that have access to you possibly telling you you’re not good enough. These people, you haven’t even got proof whether they can hear or not. They might be a robot who sends the same comment to 100 people a day. That could ruin everything for you. Growing resilience around what people think of you is so vital but so hard.

Growing resilience around what people think of you is so vital but also so hard. Share on X

It’s important to remind ourselves about the false sense that we get from social media. It’s great when someone feels good about those likes and that engagement. That’s wonderful, but it’s such a roller coaster. It’s not real. This is not real life. This is not Mark saying to Penny, “You’re a wonderful person.” That’s real life. That’s a conversation. It’s computers. It’s robotic. With AI, you don’t even know if it’s real.

If someone listens to a type of music I don’t like and they say my song is bad, I’d be like, “I don’t even like the same music as you so it’s bad to you. We don’t even like the same music. Our ears aren’t tuned the same. Talking in that sense of singers, I was saying that as an example of hobbies, it can be something like that. It is thinking that people are going to have opinions about something you are interested in or feeling that you have to post about it anyway. There are certain age groups or certain groups that are like, “You post about your stuff.” You don’t have to.

Exactly. There’s an option.

People don’t have to know every single thing about you. While you explore, try different things, get to know yourself, get to know what you like, and turn down the opinions of others, which is a big task and I know it’s not easy, try everything. Try all the things you’re interested in to see which one lights you up. You don’t have to share it on the internet and see which other people like before you decide.

That’s a great point. That’s the nice connection between mental health, wellness, and social media. Social media is all about other people’s opinions. Pick a topic. You’re going to find plenty of people who agree with you and plenty of people who disagree with you. That tug of war never ends up feeling good. We don’t get self-worth from that. It’s not real as opposed to finding people who care about you, finding friends, or finding people who would say to you, “If that’s an area you want to explore as a person, you should do that. I’m really proud of you. I’m happy for you. I’m this. I’m that.”

Your point about posting is so good. When I say that to young people, they look at me like, “I hadn’t really thought I had the option to not post.” There are certain things in this world that should remain private, in my opinion. When we talk about wellness and mental health, unfortunately, the numbers for young people are pretty ugly. The suicide rate is high. The anxiety rate is high. The depression rate is high.

The one big thing I’d love for people to walk away reading this episode thinking is, “We might need to do things a little bit differently. The way we’re approaching wellness might not be working.” Especially for young people, it might not be working as well as it could be. Maybe we need to have some parameters around social media. Maybe we need to be digging in a little bit deeper and exploring more with self-care. Maybe we need to be doing things a little bit differently to get a better effect rather than saying, “I’m depressed. That’s the way it is. Things will eventually get worse.” There’s a better way. That’s a thought.

I’m dealing with college campuses on a regular basis. I have 2 kids, 23 and 21. From my perspective as a parent, it becomes a little overwhelming to think there are so many kids out there with so many difficulties in the realm of mental health. I would love to help all of them but I can’t. Certainly, I would love for them to be able to take some information about things we’re talking about. I’ve had mentors in my life who along my journey have made suggestions and helped me improve things. I really feel that as much as I love listening to elderly people because I feel like I can learn from them, young people can learn from us and some of the things we’ve been through.

Advice To Young People

Let me ask you in that vein in terms of mentors you’ve had or in terms of suggestions that have been made to you or things that have been said to you along the way that you think would be helpful. Let’s say you were talking to a young person and you wanted them to know something that you’ve learned over time that you think would be really helpful. What would that be?

There are a couple. The first one that had an impact on me during my own mental health journey and moments of crisis was, “Don’t believe everything you think because not everything you think is real. It’s not because it’s a predominant loud thought in your mind that it means it’s real.” It sounds basic, but if you are having a moment where you are catastrophizing everything, where tomorrow feels scary, where your hope for your future spouse and whether you’re going to get married, whether you’re going to do well in your exams, or whatever it might be, whatever’s causing you to get out of this present moment and into the future and start ruminating the worst case scenario, landing somewhere, deciding that’s it, and struggling because of that idea or that thought, catch yourself and say, “Not everything is real.”

That is huge. That’s like half the population of young adults out there. What a great, simple, really important concept for people to know because it is, number one, so truthful, real, and simple.

How many times have we wasted weeks, years, or months worrying about something, looking down on ourselves, or even so much as not enjoying ourselves on vacation because we feel like we don’t look nice? We see the pictures and we look wonderful. We think, “If I knew I looked like that, I would’ve been having a great time.” This is what we go through.

Being present at the moment and saying to yourself, “Not everything is real. The catastrophe that I’m imagining for next year might happen or it might not, so I’m going to live like it won’t,” is powerful. It is that shift. It’s a really present thing to do. It’s not always easy, but there are things that can help. Another thing I would also say is we are not taught enough about the power of our words. Don’t believe everything you think because not everything you think is real. Also, your word is your weapon.

We are not taught enough about the power of our words. Your word is your weapon. Share on X

Tell me more about that.

I say that because we’ve all heard of positive affirmations. That’s one thing. They have the power to rewire your brain. I’ve got loads of stuff on this. If you’re struggling with low self-esteem or you’ve got some options to make based on your future and you don’t know where to go because you want to do all the things that people your age are doing where you want to have a relationship and you want to have fun but you also want to stay in because you don’t want to be judged or anything to go wrong, have a few phrases that you say to yourself about yourself which are true.

A lot of the stuff we’re worrying about are lies that we’re believing. A lot of them are, “We’re never going to this. We’re never going to that.” It’s always something that has no evidence. Say a few things to yourself, and it doesn’t always have to be at the same time. It’s not a ritual or anything like that. You say, “I’m capable of amazing things. I believe in myself. I love myself.” They’re simple.

You say, “I’m not saying that to myself. I’m going to feel stupid because I don’t love myself. I don’t believe in myself.” Keep saying that to yourself. Do you know why? It is because what you say affects what you hear, what you hear affects what you think, what you think affects what you believe, and what you believe affects how you behave. It is not woo-woo. It is not spiritual. It’s facts. Your words are so powerful. If you keep saying, “I’m never going to be able to,” then you’re not.

This is an example. I had a friend who used to be self-conscious about her weight. Every time we got on a bus or anything like that when we were teenagers, she used to say, “Watch out, fat girl coming through,” to be funny. She wasn’t ever sad. She’s got a good personality. She’s a really funny girl. She used to do that all the time. I thought, “She’s only doing that because she doesn’t want anyone else to think it. She’s saying it.” She was saying, “Fat girl coming through,” to the point where I believed her. I thought she was fat. She wasn’t.

It took for me to see pictures of us as teenagers for me to realize, “This girl used to speak so much badness over herself.” I’m not saying that being a certain weight is bad because it’s not. People are trying to put on weight. People are trying to lose weight. Some people like to be bigger. Some people like to be smaller. I’ve been both and I’ve enjoyed both at different times. It wasn’t because she said it in a bad way. That’s not even relevant. I believed her. She’s a friend of mine. I trust her. I believe her. I know she doesn’t lie to me. When she says that she’s fat, I believe her.

If you were to say to me, “Tell me about your friend so-and-so,” I would say, “She’s lovely. She’s a little bit on the chubby side and a bit overweight. She is beautiful.” I would describe her because it would be what’s in my mind. When I looked back on the pictures, she was as thin as a pin. I believed her. Even walking side by side, I felt like I was walking with a big person. I never was. Her words were so powerful that they convinced me, and I have my own set of eyes.

Words are very powerful, whether it be our inner words or our external words.

Everything. They’re formed. When they leave us, they have energy. They have activity. There was a professor or scientist. He’s a Japanese guy. When I talk about this to people, they’re like, “You have to really believe it.” I’m like, “It would help if you believe what you’re saying because that energy also has a transformative power regardless.” It doesn’t matter who it is. Your words are powerful.

If you want to get down to the basic science of it, this guy was trying to figure out why plants grow better when you sing to them or talk to them. He took all the elements over time. He took all the elements of a plant, put them under a microscope, and spoke. He said loving words over the particles of the leaf, the soil, and the water, figuring out why this is true and why when you talk to or sing to a plant, it grows better.

They get to the point where they put water under the microscope. When they said horrible things to the water, made horrible sounds, and said nasty things, the particles in the water were all jagged. They were spiky. They were bouncing off of each other in a non-peaceful way. When he said lovely things like, “You are my favorite plant. You are growing so beautifully. Look at you,” and sang, the particles were all smooth and they flowed like a wonderful dance with 70% water.

If you don’t want to believe in the power of having to really get into it, look in the mirror, and get all meditative, which you don’t, to speak life over yourself, you don’t have to do that. You have to make a decision. You’re like, “I heard on a podcast that if I want to improve my anxiety, I need to start speaking life over myself. I know it’s not going to change everything but I’m going to try.” If you say, “I am free from fear,” every morning ten times, the strength that rises up in you, you’ll feel it. If you don’t, remember that the water in you, which is loads, will change physically because of that. If your waters are like that, then you are like that.

It’s a great point. I love that. I like simple things, and young people typically do as well. Anything that they’re able to glean from this conversation is beneficial. Anxiety and depression are complex things, but there’s a simplicity to how we view ourselves and the things that we do. It is not hard. Those are not difficult things to challenge yourself with. Wait and see. Do it for a week. Try it.

That’s what I was going to say. They’re not going to solve everything. Don’t get me wrong, I know this. I was diagnosed with ADHD, CPTSD, anxiety, and depression. I was even told there could be other things. I was like, “I’ve had enough. I’ll stick with these ones and keep it moving.” I get it. I’ve had the intrusive thoughts I’ve had. There have been times when if I weren’t alone, I could have gotten sectioned. The way I was feeling and the things I was saying, it was by the grace of God that I didn’t and I was out of it before someone came along.

Episode Wrap-up

I’m so glad that’s the case. I appreciate your honesty and your genuineness. You’re a very kind human being and a caring and considerate individual. Honestly, I feel like in the bit of time we’ve talked, you’ve given us a lot to think about and a lot of really great suggestions. I truly appreciate you taking the time. Can I put you on the spot one last time?

Of course.

As part of the show, I like to ask individuals I interview to nominate somebody, whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a relative, to be interviewed next to keep the conversation moving forward. I wonder. Is there somebody in your world that you think would be helpful to have on the show?

I would say my husband because he has a health management company. It all started because his son fell ill and was going through a mental health struggle. That made him leave his job and put all his time into his son. He could be someone great, but I could list loads.

We’ll get that information offline. I appreciate the suggestion. I look forward to meeting with him. I really appreciate your time and your energy. Thank you for spending some time with us. I appreciate it.

It’s a pleasure. Enjoy the rest of your day.

You do the same. Take care.

Bye.

 

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About Penny Jarrett

Normalize It Forward | Penny Jarrett | Young AdultsI’m Penny and I am a woman on a mission to help heal the world by spreading as much joy as possible and encouraging people to truly understand and love themselves.

I am a wellness coach, therapeutic art practitioner, Content Creator, Podcaster, Writer, Speaker and all round Lover of Colour. Attached to each of these titles is an avenue I use to go about my mission.